Hogwarts Chatroom
by StarryKnight46
Summary: Ten of our favorite charcters enter a chatroom. THE HORROR! :D
1. Chapter 1

TITLE: Hogwarts Chat Room

PLOT: Basically some of our friends log onto a chat room and talk for a while.

DISCLAIMER: You know the drill, I don't own 'em, JK does.

SHIPS: None, well kind of

SPOILERS: OotP, HBP

MAIN CHARACTERS: Harry, Ron, Hermione, Draco, Voldemort, Luna, Ginny, McGonagall, Sirius, and Dumbledore

AUTHOR'S NOTE: I was sick and only half-awake when I wrote this. So it's pretty much pointless

-IlUvQuIdDiTcH5 has logged on-

-Hermi0ne84 has logged on-

IlUvQuIdDiTcH5: Hey Mione.

Hermi0ne84: Hi Harry. What r u doing?

IlUvQuIdDiTcH5: nothin much, besides talking to u

-serpenttongue has logged on-

Hermi0ne84: Well lookee here, it's Draco

serpenttongue: Don't talk to me u mudblood

IlUvQuIdDiTcH5: I know where u live Malfoy

serpenttongue: ooh I'm scared

Hermi0ne84: u should be

-BignBad23 has logged on-

BignBad23: fear me all of you

IlUvQuIdDiTcH5: omg it's Voldy runs for dear life

BignBad23: hey Draco we got rid of him

Hermi0ne84: bout time

IlUvQuIdDiTcH5: heard that

Hermi0ne: harry I was just kidding

IlUvQuIdDiTcH5: right, sure

-chudleycannonfan4 has logged on-

IlUvQuIdDiTcH5: hey Ron what's up? 

chudleycannonfan4: nothin really

chudleycannonfan4: who else is on

IlUvQuIdDiTcH5: Hermione, Draco, and Voldie

IlUvQuIdDiTcH5: and us

chudleycannonfan4: oh

Hermi0ne84: hey ron

chudleycannonfan4: hey mione

chudleycannonfan4: y are u on chat when you probably have homework to do

Hermi0ne84: very funny, ronniekins, I'm all done with my homework. Can u say the

same?

chudleycannonfan4: um, rushes to hide unfinished homework yes?

Hermi0ne84: that's what I thought

IlUvQuIdDiTcH5: actually, Hermione, we've both been at Quidditch

Hermi0ne84: oh

BignBad23: why is no one talking to me

IlUvQuIdDiTcH5: u don't deserve it

serpenttongue: bad move potter

BignBad23: I keel u now

IlUvQuIdDiTcH5: omg I'm scared

-LemonDrop009 has logged on-

IlUvQuIdDiTcH5: hello professor

LemonDrop009: hi harry

BignBad23: Dumbledore, I thought I killed u

LemonDrop009: think again, snakehead

LemonDrop009: They have computers in the afterlife

IlUvQuIdDiTcH5: …………..

chudleycannonfan4: who else is scared?

Hermi0ne84: um, me

LemonDrop009: I'm kidding…I'm in my office

IlUvQuIdDiTcH5: it even says so on the map!!

chudleycannonfan4: good

Hermi0ne84: I told gin to sign on, where is she

-Pygmeepuff7554 has logged on-

Hermi0ne84: oh good

Pygmeepuff7554: hi Hermione

IlUvQuIdDiTcH5: hey ginny

Pygmeepuff7554: hi harry

IlUvQuIdDiTcH5: wheeeeeee, I can flyyy!!!

Pygmeepuff7554: u have problems

IlUvQuIdDiTcH5: that's not what you told me last night in the closet wink wink

Hermi0ne84: …..we didn't need to know that harry

chudleycannonfan4: thnx harry……barfing

LemonDrop009: ahh, young love

Hermi0ne84: I'm scared now

serpenttongue: I told u this guy was insane

IlUvQuIdDiTcH5: Malfoy u suck

serpenttongue: gee thnx I feel loved

BignBad23: and 2 think he was my teacher

-kittykat56 has logged on-

LemonDrop009: it's Minerva!

Hermi0ne84: hello professor

kittykat56: hello Miss Granger

chudleycannonfan4: hey mione what's the incantation 4 a hover charm

Hermi0ne84: ron you didn't do your charms homework again?

Hermi0ne84: sigh

Hermi0ne84: look it up in the book

kittykat56: Miss Granger does he always procrastinate on his homework?

Hermi0ne84: yes

IlUvQuIdDiTcH5: yes

serpenttongue: yes

Pygmeepuff7554: yes

chudleycannonfan4: yes

chudleycannonfan4: I mean no

Hermi0ne84: sighs again

-Quibbler92 has logged on-

Pygmeepuff7554: hi Luna

Quibbler92: hi ginny

Hermi0ne84: hey luna

chudleycannonfan4: hey mione how to you spell hor- no, hurcr- no, um, hurcrucks?

BignBad23: um, Horcrux?

chudleycannonfan4: thnx Voldemort

chudleycannonfan4: waitasecond…

LemonDrop009: ok which teacher is assigning these kids projects on Horcruxes?

IlUvQuIdDiTcH5: probably snape

LemonDrop009: PROFESSOR snape, harry

IlUvQuIdDiTcH5: you weirdo, he killed you!

LemonDrop009: that was just a clever ruse!

IlUvQuIdDiTcH5: oh.

-bigblackdawg9 has logged on-

IlUvQuIdDiTcH5: Sirius!!

bigblackdawg9: hi

IlUvQuIdDiTcH5: I didn't know there was a computer in grimmauld place

IlUvQuIdDiTcH5: or that ron and ginny have laptops

Pygmeepuff7554: dad got them for us for Christmas

IlUvQuIdDiTcH5: oh

Hermi0ne: Draco has a laptop, big surprise

IlUvQuIdDiTcH5: well his dad's a snobby rich gazillionaire, he can afford to buy his

snooty son a muggle contraption

serpenttongue: watch your mouth

IlUvQuIdDiTcH5: someone's cranky

chudleycannonfan4: I finished my homework!!

Hermi0ne: good for you…?

BignBad23: u know u luv me

Hermi0ne84: ……………………….

IlUvQuIdDiTcH5: ………….

chudleycannonfan4: creeeeeeeeepy

Quibbler92: uh, eeew?

Pygmeepuff7554: no comment

serpenttongue: worships

IlUvQuIdDiTcH5: I'm scared of both of you

Hermi0ne84: luna your being kinda quiet

Quibbler92: I'm reading my magazine….and watching you people make idiots of

yourselves

Hermi0ne84: objection your honor

chudleycannonfan4: huh? Whaddazzat mean?

Hermi0ne: shut up ron.

Quibbler92: ok, watching a few of you make idiots of yourselves.

kittykat56: you people are creeping me out. I'm leaving

-kittykat56 has logged off-

LemonDrop009: I'm leaving too, I have urgent business to attend to…MY COOKIES

ARE BURNING! NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

-LemonDrop009 has logged off-

bigblackdawg9: uh, wow?

BignBad23: you morons are interrupting my concentration

IlUvQuIdDiTcH5: on what, your next evil scheme?

BignBad23: no, my preciseness. You're ruining my origami, you fool!

chudleycannonfan4: if you are disturbed that Voldemort has an obsession with Japanese paper folding say aye. Aye

Pygmeepuff7554: aye

Hermi0ne84: aye

IlUvQuIdDiTcH5: aye

bigblackdawg9: aye

serpenttongue: aye

Quibbler92: aye

BignBad23: what? I knit, too.

Hermi0ne84: ooh, what do u knit?

BignBad23: clothes

Hermi0ne84: ooh me too! Can you do hats?

BignBad23: hats are my specialty!

Hermi0ne84: WITH TASSELS??

BignBad23: of course!

Hermi0ne84: Ooh, teach me!

IlUvQuIdDiTcH5: Ron, this is scaring me

chudleycannonfan4: me too

Pygmeepuff7554: me three

IlUvQuIdDiTcH5: I'm having a party at my place tomorrow

serpenttongue: cool I'll bring the beer

Hermi0ne84: scary

IlUvQuIdDiTcH5: who thinks Malfoys gonna grow up to be an alcoholic?! raises hand

chudleycannonfan4: raises hand

Hermi0ne84: raises hand

Quibbler92: raises hand

Pygmeepuff7554: raises hand

bigblackdawg9: raises hand

BignBad23: raises hand just like his father!

serpenttongue: raises hand

Hermi0ne84: I'm really really scared now

IlUvQuIdDiTcH5: brb, gotta get my Cheetos™!

chudleycannonfan4: only take half the bag this time

IlUvQuIdDiTcH5: don't worry I won't eat the whole bag again

IlUvQuIdDiTcH5: that stomachache killed

Quibbler92: Cheetos™ are bad for you

IlUvQuIdDiTcH5: actually they're good for _me_

Quibbler92: no theyre not

IlUvQuIdDiTcH5: YES THEY ARE

Quibbler92: NO THEYRE NOT

Hermi0ne84: SHUT UP BOTH OF YOU

IlUvQuIdDiTcH5: ok

Pygmeepuff7554: wow spaz much?

IlUvQuIdDiTcH5: yessssss

Pygmeepuff7554: you need to have your head checked

IlUvQuIdDiTcH5: that's not what you told me last week in my bedroom wink wink

Hermi0ne84: harry….must you?

IlUvQuIdDiTcH5: Yesssssssss

bigblackdawg9: harry youre sick

IlUvQuIdDiTcH5: thnx

Quibbler92: I can't take much more of this

-Quibbler92 has logged off-

BignBad23: If anyone cares, in my personal opinion---

IlUvQuIdDiTcH5: trust me, no one cares

BignBad23: oh. I have to go knit another hat

Hermi0ne84: can I come with you…?

BignBad23: No!

Hermi0ne84: please? I can teach you how to do zigzags!

BignBad23: keep talking

Hermi0ne84: And polka dots!

BignBad23: next week then

Hermi0ne84: ok!

BignBad23: ok then. Bye

-BignBad23 has logged off-

IlUvQuIdDiTcH5: I thought he'd never leave…!

Hermi0ne84: Don't be so mean. He can do tassels.

chudleycannonfan4: Hermione, don't go! You might love him more than me!

IlUvQuIdDiTcH5: come again ron?

chudleycannonfan4: um, I mean, he might kill you!

IlUvQuIdDiTcH5: Riiiiight.

Hermi0ne84: so what? He can do tassels!

Pygmeepuff7554: aaaaaaggghhh Crookshanks is biting me!

Hermi0ne84: my little Crookshanks would do nothing of the sort!

chudleycannonfan4: COUGHCOUGHCOUGH

Hermi0ne84: shut up ron

Pygmeepuff7554: tell Crookshanks to come back here with my favorite quill!

Hermi0ne84: ok I'll be right back then

IlUvQuIdDiTcH5: wow, overprotective much?

chudleycannonfan4: you're telling me

serpenttongue: since no one is talking to me I'll just leave

IlUvQuIdDiTcH5: Yay

serpenttongue: shut up

IlUvQuIdDiTcH5: I thought you were leaving…!

serpenttongue: or maybe I'll just stay here and bug you

serpenttongue: waitasecond, there's free cupcakes in the common room! Gotta run!

-serpenttongue has logged off-

IlUvQuIdDiTcH5: finally

bigblackdawg9: Harry I have to go do some important stuff for the Order. Bye now

IlUvQuIdDiTcH5: ok

-bigblackdawg9 has logged off-

Hermi0ne84: see Ginny I saved your quill

Pygmeepuff7554: but now it's all chewed up

Hermi0ne84: got one word for you- _Reparo_

Pygmeepuff7554: oh right

Pygmeepuff7554: much better

chudleycannonfan4: say harry what about we sneak into the Slytherin common room for

some of those free cupcakes?

IlUvQuIdDiTcH5: I like that idea. Mione, got any polyjuice potion?

Hermione84: it's hidden in that cabinet right by the fireplace in the common room

Hermi0ne84: bring me one!

Pygmeepuff7554: and me!

IlUvQuIdDiTcH5: ok

chudleycannonfan4: well then, see you guys!

-chudleycannonfan4 has logged off-

-IlUvQuIdDiTcH5 has logged off-

Hermi0ne84: well, it's just us now.

Pygmeepuff7554: then there's really no point in us staying is there?

Hermi0ne84: not really no

-Pygmeepuff7554 has logged off-

-Hermi0ne84 has logged off-

A/N: well, wasn't that a stupid, pointless story! Eleven pages of stupidity! YAAY!


	2. Chapter 2

**TITLE: Hogwarts Chatroom 2**

**PLOT: More chatroom-ness! I had soooo many requests for a sequel that I had to give in! I'm a sucker for a good argument. Some new characters, new stupid 'plot', and we're good to go! Not DH compatible.**

**DISCLAIMER: I own none of the characters, but I own their usernames D I actually do not own Twilfitt and Tatting's! It's in HBP.**

-Hermi0ne84 has logged on-

-serpenttongue has logged on-

-BignBad23 has logged on-

Hermi0ne84: Well, if it isn't our dear friends Draco and Voldemort!

serpent-tongue: hi

BignBad23: hi mione. Didja get that owl I sent u?

Hermi0ne84: The one with the knitting patterns? Yes I did. Thanks, btw

BignBad23: No problem-o!

serpent-tongue: you sent her knitting patterns? Wait till I tell dad that ol' Voldy sent a

Mudblood a knitting pattern!

BignBad23: I can kill ur father, boy. Don't say a word

serpent-tongue: gulp

Hermi0ne84: violence is not the answer

serpent-tongue: it is the question, and the answer is yes

Hermi0ne84: shove off, snake boy

serpent-tongue: aren't we snappy

-AzkabanishtheMudbloods has logged on-

BignBad23: what's up, Bellatrix?

AzkabanishtheMudbloods: nuthin' really

Hermi0ne84: Would u mind changing ur username, lady? It's kinda offensive

AzkabanishtheMudbloods: ohh, did poor widdle baby Mudbwood get her feewings hurt by ol' bella's scweenname?

Hermi0ne84: shut up

BignBad23: don't be so mean, bella, she can knit

AzkabanishtheMudbloods: fine, master

-AzkabanishtheMudbloods has changed her screenname to Escaped8347-

Escaped8347: better?

Hermi0ne84: thank you

-chudleycannonfan4 has logged on-

Hermi0ne84: sup ron?

chudleycannonfan4: hey mione

Hermi0ne84: I got the note and flowers btw, it was very sweet

chudleycannonfan4: blushes I thought you weren't gonna mention it

Hermi0ne84: Well, I had to thank u know before Harry logs on and makes fun of you

serpent-tongue: but there's always me to make fun of him! _Weasel and the Mudblood, _

_sitting in a tree…_

Hermi0ne84: shut yo face, Malfoy

chudleycannonfan4: I don't get it

Hermi0ne84: nvm, ron, later

-greaseface18 has logged on-

BignBad23: Why, it's snapey-poo!

greaseface18: call me that again and I'll curse your face off

greaseface18: or what's left of it, at least

Escaped8347: Oooooooh, burn

Hermi0ne84: trying to stifle laughter that was a good one, professor

greaseface18: y, thank u

chudleycannonfan4: scuse me, professor, but shouldn't you be teaching Harry's

occlumensy lesson right about now?

greaseface18: I just excused him

-IlUvQuIdDiTcH5 has logged on-

Hermi0ne84: talk of the devil

IlUvQuIdDiTcH5: hey y'all

Escaped8547: hi

chudleycannonfan4: hey mate

-dubbletrubble1 has logged on-

-dubbletrubble2 has logged on-

Hermi0ne84: It's the twins! Wait, which one of you is fred and which is george?

dubbletrubble2: He's fred

dubbletrubble1: He's george

dubbletrubble1: i think

chudleycannonfan4: ya know what, I'm just gonna use your usernames when trying to talk to you. it's easier

BignBad23: why if it isn't the twins! I saw ur shop- looked quite interesting. do you perhaps know anywhere that sells self-knitting needles?

dubbletrubble2: …

dubbletrubble1: er…

Escaped8347: awkward much?

serpent-tongue: hey harry! guess what ron did??

chudleycannonfan4: don't. you. dare.

IlUvQuIdDiTcH5: ahh, intrigue

Hermi0ne84: shut up, Harry

IlUvQuIdDiTcH5: what, what?!

IlUvQuIdDiTcH5: TELL MEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!

chudleycannonfan4: later, stupid

serpent-tongue: blurts he sent mione flowers!!

IlUvQuIdDiTcH5: awww…so young…so naïve…

chudleycannonfan4: thanks a _lot_ Malfoy

chudleycannonfan4: not a word to anyone

dubbletrubble1: if ur worried about us finding out, it's 2 late

chudleycannonfan4: crap

chudleycannonfan4: you have no idea how much I would like to rip you limb from limb, Draco

Escaped8347: well, Draco, you sent pansy that huge enormous thing of chocolates on valentines day and she ate them all and puked all over you

Escaped8347: that was entertaining

serpent-tongue: I am already scarred by that, thank you, I need no reminding

IlUvQuIdDiTcH5: rotfl

chudleycannonfan4: mione do u know anyone who runs the school newspaper?? we gotta post this

Hermi0ne84: we can't, that's mean

chudleycannonfan4: fine sulks

IlUvQuIdDiTcH5: ahh, the ways a man will bend for the one he loves

chudleycannonfan4: not a word, scar-boy

IlUvQuIdDiTcH5: ron has a _giiiiiiirlfriend_! na-na-na-na-boo-boo!

chudleycannonfan4: you have no idea how much I'd like to burn your computer at the moment

-metamorphmagus987 has logged on-

IlUvQuIdDiTcH5: If it ain't Tonks!

metamorphmagus987: hello, Harry

BignBad23: helloo

BignBad23: say, do you know where I can get self-knitting needles? these guys don't

metamorphmagus987: I think you can buy them in the novelty section of Twilfitt and Tatting's

BignBad23: THANK YOU SOOOOOOO MUCH!!

metamorphmagus987: er, why?

BignBad23: because Nagini ate my old ones pouts

chudleycannonfan4: doesn't that tell you anything?

BignBad23: like what?

chudleycannonfan4: like maybe she should die? she's killed enough people, thank you very much

serpent-tongue: yeah, like he would do that, the snake is a-

BignBad23: remember what I said about ur father, boy

serpent-tongue: er, right, the snake is a very kind little pet who would never do anything of that sort (?)

BignBad23: that's right

Hermi0ne84: say, Bellatrix, why are u on a computer? I thought u were in azkaban

Escaped8547: first, durmstrang had a school sponsored event to get laptops and wireless for all the prisoners in azkaban, and second, because I escaped. der, Hermione

IlUvQuIdDiTcH5: er, okay?

chudleycannonfan4: no wonder why vicky was all weird, it was his schools fault!

Hermi0ne84: shoots daggers with eyes

chudleycannonfan4: o, come on Hermione, you still side w/ him even after I sent u flowers? you went to the freakin yule ball w/ him tho, don't kno wat I was thinking…

Hermi0ne84: shut up ron, I _do_ like u, I really do, but that doesn't mean you can go and trash talk people! I didn't even like him!

serpent-tongue: aww how sweet

Hermi0ne84:** YOU HAVE SENT serpent-tongue A VIRUS. serpent-tongue, PLEASE BE PREPARED TO STEP AWAY FROM YOUR COMPUTER. THANK YOU AND HAVE A NICE DAY.**

Hermi0ne84: that oughta get rid of him

-serpent-tongue has logged off-

chudleycannonfan4: I love you, Hermione, I really do

Escaped8547: why did you wait till NOW to send Draco a virus?

dubbletrubble1: yeah, we could have gotten rid of him ages ago!

chudleycannonfan4: at least before he found out I sent you flowers…or told my brothers…

dubbletrubble2: grins

dubbletrubble1: grins

greaseface18: No one's talking to me…i think i'll log off and cry…

BignBad23: poor widdle snapey-poo…

greaseface18: **YOU HAVE SENT BignBad23 A VIRUS. BignBad23, PLEASE BE PREPARED TO STEP AWAY FROM YOUR COMPUTER. THANK YOU AND HAVE A NICE DAY.**

-BignBad23 has logged off-

Hermi0ne84: you're so mean, snape! he can knit!

chudleycannonfan4: will you shut up about the knitting, herm? seriously.

Hermi0ne84: But he _can_!

Metamorphmagus987: I think we all knew that Voldemort can knit.

dubbletrubble2: well, i didn't, but that puts a whole new spin on things

dubbletrubble1: i can see it now, george… Voldemort's Knitting Needles! made of sugar and come with a ball of licorice yarn! Learn To Knit Like Voldie- Instructions included!

dubbletrubble2: brilliant! we'd better go work on this. see y'all later!

-dubbletrubble1 has logged off-

-dubbletrubble2 has logged off-

chudleycannonfan4: finally, they're gone

Escaped8547: i don't think master's going to like this new novelty candy

IlUvQuIdDiTcH5: i don't know about that, ol' voldie didn't really seem to mind those edible dark marks when he was browsing the store

Escaped8547: well maybe you're right

Hermi0ne84: …as long as that virus snape sent didn't blow up voldemort. i'd hate to lose a good knitting buddy

chudleycannonfan4: …ix-nay on the itting-knay…

Hermi0ne84: sorry ronnie L didn't mean to

IlUvQuIdDiTcH5: hey "ronnie" maybe if u learned to knit she'd luuuuuuuv you

chudleycannonfan4: whips out knitting needles

Hermi0ne84: oh ronnie you are so funny

greaseface18: …okay, the "ronnie" thing is getting a bit sickening. 203539845 points from gryffindor for PDA.

chudleycannonfan4: :(

Hermi0ne84: -big public display o' affection-

Hermi0ne84: wat now?? how ya like THEM apples, huh, professor??

greaseface18: 90348952 points from gryffindor!

IlUvQuIdDiTcH5: just cuz YOU can't get any…

greaseface18: don't make me send u a virus, potter

IlUvQuIdDiTcH5: gulp

metamorphmagus987: oh dear, do we really need all this violence? really the world would be so much nicer if we could all live in peace -coughSEVERUScough-

greaseface18: -sticks tongue out-

metamorphmagus987: o, u wanna mess?? lets take this outside!

greaseface18: ur on!!

-greaseface18 has logged out-

-metamorphmagus987 has logged out-

chudleycannonfan4: really, i'm a bit disturbed. normally grownups do not ask each other 'do u wanna mess'

Hermi0ne84: yeah but are tonks and snape normal grownups? i think not

IlUvQuIdDiTcH5: i do believe it's just us 3 left.

Escaped8547: hey! what about me!!

IlUvQuIdDiTcH5: idk, what about you?

Escaped8547: -cries- im leaving! i don't wanna talk wif you guys no more!! :(

-Escaped8547 has logged off-

chudleycannonfan4: ……………….and normally bellatrix lestrange does not break down crying and baby-talking if she is forgotten…if that's what voldie has to deal with 24/7 i totally don't wanna be a dark lord

IlUvQuIdDiTcH5: well, that's a given

Hermi0ne84: now it really is just us

IlUvQuIdDiTcH5: is this where I log off and u and ur luuuuuuuuuuver exchange sweet nothings via chatroom?

Hermi0ne84: oh shut up

chudleycannonfan4: oh shut up

IlUvQuIdDiTcH5: a likeness! what fun! guess I'll leave you to your sweet nothings! i wonder where ginny is…hmm…

-IlUvQuIdDiTcH5 has logged off-

chudleycannonfan4: well this is awkward

Hermi0ne84: -insert sweet nothing here-

Hermi0ne84: -cheeky grin-

chudleycannonfan4: goodnight, my love, off to go battle the potions homework

Hermi0ne84: -sarcastically- yes, Sir Ronald. do not perish. love ya :)

-chudleycannonfan4 has logged off-

-Hermi0ne84 has logged off-

**Well, thus ends the sequel of Hogwarts Chatroom! I'm sorry if it wasn't as good as the original, but I'm not running a 104 degree fever this time, although it is 1:15 in the morning. Goodnight, fair readers! **

**Starry**


End file.
